Lisa is in a better mood now! Yay!

Just didn't want to leave my last post for ages being so negative.

Happy happy happy happy etc.

So it's pretty much exactly 4 months since I last posted anything.. bummer.. 

Mainly cos I haven't had anything to say. 

Not that I do now or anything I just.. don't know anymore. 

I actually think there might be something wrong with me. Well maybe not me, maybe just this room. 

I have such good intentions and I get home and just can't get the motivation to do anything. You'd think the thought of having work done for once might be motivation enough but it's not. 

And that's depressing. And I'm depressed. Which sucks. 

And I'm frustrated. 

So fucking frustrated. 

If you'll excuse the language. And if you don't then fuck you. 

Agh. Really feel like banging my head against a wall saying "angst angst angst.."

I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I know it's nine parts tiredness, one part stress, but that one part stress is then divided up itself. We have school, which is divided into Latin, English and History, we have boys which are divided up into the individual boys, we have friends which are divided up into the individual friends and as always, cross referenced with boys.. we also have my unhealthy addiction to the internet, and that involves the fact that I just want to be editing my movies all the time so I can get them up and do some other stuff.

And I know it's 4 weeks til the end of school. I just need to get there, blow a fuse at Paddy's 18th, and then I'll be ok. I just need to get to summer and I can stop and reassess everything. I will make resolutions and fucking keep them. I have to. It's the leaving, I'll kill myself if I end up like this next year.

Except that means exams. I did terribly in the Christmas exams. I have to do well. For me, for my parents, to show my teachers that I actually do appreciate how good they're being to me, considering I'm such a shit student. And exams means doing study. Or at least doing the homework, which I'm not doing now. 

Oh my Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood...........

I hate this I hate this I hate this!!!!!!

And I do blame one person for a lot of this. Not his fault, except it entirely is.

Talk about a fucking bombshell.

I;m not writing it down, that makes it all true. It's been bad enough I've had to say it all day to people.

I drank an entire bottle of wine because of that. And was as drunk/hungover as I've ever been before in my life.

I'm not drinking like that ever again, not even at Paddy's party, cos I hate embarrassing myself in front of people. And even though I've vowed I'll get smashed and score everyone, I know that I will sit in the corner and bitch with my boys like I do every party..

Right.

I'm too tired. I'm taking a sleeping pill and I'm going to bed.

No homework done. No essays. No study.

And I don't really care.

5th year sucks.

So yeah it's Christmas now, which is nice... Full moon so I'm a bit out of it again...

It's so strange being able to do what I like, like if I want to sit down and watch a movie, I can, if I want to go on msn or bebo, I can, without hiding it behind the itunes.. I don't know what to do with myself! I dont have homework! It's a blissful and surreal experience!

And I can actually go back on other websites again, because I've basically been on Youtube the whole time I've been able to be on the internet, if I could inject No Place Like Home - particularly the witch's song - directly into my veins I would. Oh Lemon Demon, how I glove thee so..

And my legs are still sore from all the walking yesterday, my God we are the most indecisive bunch ever, although to be fair, we did decide on places, they were just full.. There were so many people there to begin with, where could they possibly have gone?? How do 25 people just disappear? Well trekking around Dublin the way we were, I can sort of understand..

La! Parentals are home, should dash!